Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Dustbunnies are stuck to my love-handles (Blood on the tracks)
It's 430am and I'm taking a break from packing up my room. I'm leaving Providence. And no, I'm not happy about it. I love this city—and while I shouldn't assume that my love is reciprocated, I can say with some objective certainty that we've had our moments. Driving off, I'm sure I'll have some sort of anxiety attack. If you see a black SUV on the side of the highway with its vaguely effeminate driver flapping his hands and sobbing, say hello. If you're a mental health professional, or simlarly equipped, offer me some Ativan and remind me how anxious I'll be once my parents start calling, asking why I'm not home yet. To be truthful, the discussion of my parents will only make me more anxious. But at least you'll have given me the Ativan. I mean, that's what counts. Don't flatter yourself.
I'd say that I have another 2 solid hours of packing and cleaning in front of me--and so I'm stalling. I'm prolonging the trauma, looking for that envelope marked "OXAZEPAM: FOR URGENT AND RECREATIONAL USE ONLY."
But on a more pleasant note, I'm also prolonging my early-early morning television exposure. To be specific, my exposure to ABC News. Now, we can joke about ABC all we want—how the network reached new cultural lows with the appearance and then disappearance of Urkel—but they know their news. Or, rather, they know the sort of news I like to watch. Here are some of the topics they covered tonight, as individuated by ABC:
Fat people
Health risks posed to fat people
The material concerns of fat people and the fat-contending professions
Tornados in the midwest
People dying in Iraq
Kids overeating
It might surprise you that the four stories pertaining to persons of girth were presented without transition. Aside from the big fat similarity, they really had nothing to do with each other and they were presented by different correspondents. We have an increase in the number of fat people in the US; fat people are more likely to suffer from death; how hospitals are going bankrupt in their efforts to physically house their fat people; and how kids are eating too much--and how eating too much, coupled with the absence of exercise, can lead to a serious case of fat people.
The story that caught my interest, though, was about the material concerns of the fat and those that care for the fat. With the subtlety of a rodeo clown, ABC reminded its viewers that fat people are consistently fatter than non-fat people--and that material goods marketed specifically to the fat are becoming more commonplace, emphasizing the dual-enabling nature of these products. Without editorializing, ABC referred us to the following site:www.amplestuff.com/.
At first glance, you really want to buy stock in this company. If you're not fat and you've both 1) noticed how many fat people are around these days and 2) never realized that fat people need larger umbrellas,www.amplestuff.com/ will transmit to you the cloying urge to become a successful investor. But then you notice that the site sells things like full-body bibs and has ad copy like:
"Several years ago a nationally syndicated television show featured 'people who hate fat people.' And one complaint voiced was that big people do not have good hygiene. Is this true? The answer is sometimes." (Ref: http://amplestuff.safeshopper.com/8/cat8.htm?391)
God, it's honesty like that makes you want to immolate yourself in front of the UN--or pull your black SUV to the side of the road and cry just a little.
I'd say that I have another 2 solid hours of packing and cleaning in front of me--and so I'm stalling. I'm prolonging the trauma, looking for that envelope marked "OXAZEPAM: FOR URGENT AND RECREATIONAL USE ONLY."
But on a more pleasant note, I'm also prolonging my early-early morning television exposure. To be specific, my exposure to ABC News. Now, we can joke about ABC all we want—how the network reached new cultural lows with the appearance and then disappearance of Urkel—but they know their news. Or, rather, they know the sort of news I like to watch. Here are some of the topics they covered tonight, as individuated by ABC:
Fat people
Health risks posed to fat people
The material concerns of fat people and the fat-contending professions
Tornados in the midwest
People dying in Iraq
Kids overeating
It might surprise you that the four stories pertaining to persons of girth were presented without transition. Aside from the big fat similarity, they really had nothing to do with each other and they were presented by different correspondents. We have an increase in the number of fat people in the US; fat people are more likely to suffer from death; how hospitals are going bankrupt in their efforts to physically house their fat people; and how kids are eating too much--and how eating too much, coupled with the absence of exercise, can lead to a serious case of fat people.
The story that caught my interest, though, was about the material concerns of the fat and those that care for the fat. With the subtlety of a rodeo clown, ABC reminded its viewers that fat people are consistently fatter than non-fat people--and that material goods marketed specifically to the fat are becoming more commonplace, emphasizing the dual-enabling nature of these products. Without editorializing, ABC referred us to the following site:
At first glance, you really want to buy stock in this company. If you're not fat and you've both 1) noticed how many fat people are around these days and 2) never realized that fat people need larger umbrellas,
"Several years ago a nationally syndicated television show featured 'people who hate fat people.' And one complaint voiced was that big people do not have good hygiene. Is this true? The answer is sometimes." (Ref: http://amplestuff.safeshopper.com/8/cat8.htm?391)
God, it's honesty like that makes you want to immolate yourself in front of the UN--or pull your black SUV to the side of the road and cry just a little.
